1. I’ve lost my razor.

    • Attempts to shave face with pair of scissors: Unsuccessful.
     

  2. Just bought a packet of skittles.

    There’s no green ones in it. Someone dies today.

     

  3. Please, mother’s friends.

    Stop referring to your ¬†sexcrement as a ‘newborn’ baby.¬†

    The newborn bit is not needed. No one thinks you forced a 45-year old through your now-annihilated vagina.

     

  4. Skype-ing my grandparents.

    1. Me: Do you know what an ipod is?
    2. Grandad: I know that it's modern and I hate it.
     

  5. Things which are awesome:

    • Owning a book with a hollow cut into it.
    • Making said book with hollow in it.
    • Tina Fey’s new audiobook.
    • Metronomy, as a whole.
    • Bacon sandwiches on a Tuesday afternoon.
    • Being forced to clean your room, then finding $23 on the floor. (All in 20 cent coins.)
    • Sherlock.
    • A Bit Of Fry & Laurie
     

  6. Started watching Sherlock today.

    Yet another thing that’s filmed in Cardiff. It makes it extremely difficult to get immersed in a story if the major crime scene is the carpark where you once broke a window with an orange.